It's raining out there. The weather is great. It is cold, but not cold enough to bother you. It is wet and it smells like the "rain", you know. There's something about nature that really attracts me occasionally, the night, the stars, the rain, the sea. The whole thing. They all have something in them reminding me to kinda settle down, even just for a second. Their silence. Their extreme peace. It grabs me and then never let me go. It tell me something about myself, who am I? What I want?
Wait. Maybe they've become a part of clichéd questions, frequently asked and even more than that heard. But their true meaning and purpose I think, is just buried under their prevalence. The answer they target never gets old. The need for that answer, also, never gets resolved for us as human beings.
All of us, with absolutely no exception at all, need to have a clear definition of ourselves. It might change. It will definitely change. That's very common and natural. The current perception you have about yourself, it might be different of what you were or thought you were last year or last month or even last day. But one thing is obvious, you CAN'T live without a perception. A CLEAR perception.
But the very thing that can be even more important, is that the way you are outside of yourself, it must be the same you think you are inside. Try to keep them the same, do that. Or you'll always feel something really heavy on your chest, making your breath harder and harder.
You know, during the last two or three years, I've been struggling with one question: What is the meaning of life?
It took me a long time to finally understand that that approach was a ridiculous one, because the question I was asking from myself or literally the whole world, was just wrong at the first place! The meaning of the life is nonsense, instead, try to ask the meaning of yourself. Then the life will shape itself upon the way you make sense to the world around you.
Maybe that's exactly why living with a self that doesn't match your REAL self, is painful. Because by doing that, you're risking your real self to be hidden. Whatever it is, bad or even awful in your belief, you're telling a lie about it, not only to yourself, but to the whole world around you.
A lie that will be believed soon or late by everything around you, everything but yourself. That's what hurts most.