It was the first day of working. I've just arrived from there. And if you ask me what it was like on earth, I would say that it was weird! Weirder than weird! More than anything else, I felt being useless, the word not said by me, but seen by me in one of the posts I've recently read about the kind of feelings you might have in the first time of being an intern as a software engineer, on my way back home. Despite feeling useless -and stronger than that- I felt monotony. I felt I was bored. There were a lot of things which I weren't aware of and I just didn't know where to start from for learning them! I-didn't-even-know-where- to start learning them! I liked some of the guys I saw there and I didn't feel something special about some others. There were some one that showed me interest and kindness and someone else who weren't least interested to know me or even say "hello" to me! But that's just how the life works it works! Nothing is even! Everything is a mixture! The good and the bad, the happiness and the sadness, the friends and the enemies! It's all right and OK to be that way. It's all beautiful to be that way.
Today I felt a little anxious, a little useless, maybe a little alone and weird, too!
But I hope it'll all be passed and resolved two or three months later. I hope my anxiety will be reduced by beginning the collage and meeting a lot of new people there. I hope my extreme lack of knowledge will be eliminated by the pass of time and studying a whole new era of things in college. I hope my coldness and my state of feeling "strange" will be melted through the pass of the time there. I will make friends with some of my coworkers and will learn a "lot" of things from just each individual there. I hope the experience of working there would bring a new "me" to me! A new person, new personality and new strengths.
Although it was all weird and strange to me, I can't say that I didn't like it. After all it was my first experience of being a free adult in a free place, where absolutely nothing more is expected from me than only focusing and doing what I do love most in this whole world. The computers. After all, I've finally reached a place where the one and only one responsibility expected from me to meet, is being concerned about computers and to make the work they do as great as possible. What the damn would a geek like me want more than this in her life?... :)